Narcissistic Abuse Awareness

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day was held on June 1st.  This day was established in 2016 to bring the world together to support those affected by narcissistic abuse and to prevent others from ever experiencing abuse. The purpose of the day is to provide education, support and to effect change. Unlike physical abuse, narcissistic abuse leaves no physical marks. It is a form of psychological and emotional abuse; it is invisible and difficult to prove. Yet, its effects are lasting and harmful.

Stages Of Narcissistic Abuse

The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.

Signs & Symptoms of Narcissistic Abuse

Gaslighting

Gaslighting refers to intentionally making a person distrust their views of reality or believe they’re mentally unstable.

Here are a few signs you are being gaslighted:

• You no longer feel like the person you used to be.
• You feel like everything you do is wrong.
• You always think it’s your fault when things go wrong.
• You feel more anxious and less confident than you used to be.
• You often wonder if you’re being too sensitive.
• You often question whether your response to your partner is appropriate.
• You’re apologizing often.
• You have a sense that something’s wrong but aren’t able to identify what it is
• You make excuses for their behavior

Emotional & Verbal Abuse

A narcissist often verbally or emotionally abuses you to continue controlling and tearing you down. Emotional Abuse is characterized by behavior that is meant to harm you. This could look like calling you stupid, threatening to hurt you, or lying. Verbal abuse may include name-calling or insults.

Projection

Narcissistic projection involves dumping one’s issues onto their victim instead of taking the blame. For instance, a narcissistic abuser may accuse their partner of lying when they have lied (this is sometimes referred to as DARVO: Deny, attack, reverse victim & offender). Or they make a partner feel guilty when they’ve done nothing wrong.

 Attempts to Isolate You From Loved Ones

Narcissists force you to become dependent on them by isolating you from your family and friends. Detaching you from your support system ensures they can have control over you. They may say they do not like your friends or family, you spend too much time with loved ones, or make negative comments about loved ones’ behaviors/interactions with you to change how you feel.

 Threats of Physical Violence

Rage is a common trait among narcissists, but this does not always equate to physical violence. Narcissists may use threats of harm as a control tactic to keep you from leaving or spending time with your family. They scare you by threatening violence to continue getting what they want. They may say things like, “You’ll be sorry if you leave!” or, “I will punch you if you try to go out with your friends tonight.”

 Constant Criticism & Insults

Part of a narcissist’s approach to controlling and manipulating you is to make you feel worthless and dependent on them. They will devalue you and others to look and feel superior to everyone else. They can never be wrong and constantly need to feel better than everyone else so they do not appear ‘stupid.’

How to Deal With Narcissistic Abuse

Educate yourself on narcissistic personality disorder.

One of the best ways to protect yourself from the emotional distress of being in a relationship with a narcissistic personality is to understand the disorder.

Learning about the symptoms and complexities of NPD can help you develop an understanding of the person and their behavior. Additionally, you learn to protect yourself from believing anything they do or say is “personal.”

 Don’t idealize the person.

People with NPD may be charming, engaging, and confident at times. Consequently, they can draw people in with their attitude and energy.

As with any other relationship, it’s important not to idealize the other person but rather see them as they really are, including their not-so-charming moments.

 Clearly communicate how their actions affects you

Since people with NPD may be less likely to be aware of how their behaviors affect you, it’s important that you make your concerns heard.

“Protecting yourself from narcissistic abuse involves not allowing another person to demean, diminish, or trample your authentic thoughts and feelings,”

 Set clear boundaries.

Some people with NPD may feel entitled to intrude on every part of your life.

In their eyes, your main purpose in life may be to serve their needs. They might not fully realize you have your own needs.

Setting boundaries can be incredibly beneficial for managing a healthy relationship.

Don’t take hurtful comments personally.

It’s crucial to internalize the fact that their actions aren’t a reflection of you. They’re manifestations of a personality disorder.

Taking criticisms and insults personally will quickly degrade your confidence and self-worth.

 Develop a support network.

Cultivating new friendships and maintaining existing bonds can help you get emotional fulfillment outside your relationship.

Some people with NPD might attempt to isolate you. They might try to maintain dominance and control, so they have your attention all the time.

consider that you also need attention and support. If you’re not getting enough from the relationship, you have the right to look for it somewhere else.

The Serenity Prayer For Survivors

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (The Narcissist)

The Courage To Chane The Things I Can (Me)

And the Wisdom To Know The Difference (Boundaries)

©Wanda Currie

Vision of Recovery believes in and practices a non-denominational Christian perspective to Addiction Recovery/Mental Health Care. Vision of Recovery integrates biblically based information with coaching and counseling interventions to treat the whole person: Spiritually, Emotionally, and Physically.